Do you ever feel like you catch up with your partner infrequently, often late at night when you’re too tired to speak? Or when your timetables happen to collide? There are work dinners, school outings, sporting practice, dinners with friends, homework to supervise, household chores and so the list goes on. Do you feel like you need to make a date night just to spend some one on one time with your other half? Time when you’re not sleeping?

If this sounds like you then I’m sure you will enjoy these tips for keeping each other close at heart, even if you can’t always be as physically close as you’d like.

Its all about communicating and sharing the little things that make up our lives. Here are ten easy ways to make your feelings known:

1. Birthday love letter. There is something powerful about a letter. A few years ago my husband and I agreed to write a love letter for each other’s birthday. I think I picked it up from a magazine article about Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Apparently it’s something they used to do in lieu of expensive presents. Obviously it didn’t work for their marriage but we’ve found it has become the part of our birthday celebrations that we enjoy the most.

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Butt Of The Matter

I have been married 12 years and am pregnant with our second child. Our oldest is two and a half. About 10 months ago, my husband began smoking a daily cigar, and it has since escalated into cigarettes. I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate this.

I talked to him, and he quit for a few days and then started right back up. I made an appointment with our family physician without his knowledge to see if my husband can get a prescription of the stop-smoking drug. I let him know what I did, and he said it was a good idea.

Here is my question. If he chooses not to take the drug or decides to smoke anyway, is smoking a viable reason for leaving him? I love my husband, but I did not sign on to marry a smoker. The smell on his breath and clothes makes me sick and gives me headaches. I can’t bear the thought of him holding our newborn smelling that way.

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Anne and I know a shy guy – her brother. He isn’t the best-looking rooster in the barnyard, but he always seems to have lots of chicks pecking around him.

What’s the attraction? The mystery, I think. He doesn’t say much so women fill in the blanks. Also I think it’s refreshing; a relief from the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals out there. They like the challenge of getting him to open up. And, yes, they even ask him out, but he’s the three-date strikeout king.

Being shy can work for you at first, but it won’t get you what you want in the long run. Women want a man to be confident and assertive. Then they can be a woman! If you don’t step up to the plate, you’ll bring out the “mother” in them and be relegated to the “friends” category. You’ll have lots of female companionship, but no romance.

So keep in mind a little boy you’ve seen recently, and avoid doing the things that little boys do with their moms – they ask permission, they worry about pleasing her, they never take initiative, they aren’t spontaneous, they don’t know what they want, and they expect to be taken care of.

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Language is a behavior potentially under our control, and a powerful loop. It’s how we act upon the world, and how the world acts upon us. It’s how we express our thoughts and feelings, and it also influences our thoughts and feelings. This includes what we say to ourselves as well as what others say to us. Barring physical force, language is how we get what we want.

Being able to name something gives power. I’m not talking about naming furniture. I’m talking about the hard stuff. It’s “the nameless dread” that gets to us. We can deal with “I hate asking women out and risking rejection.” (After you read this article, you’ll reframe that as “It’s unpleasant to risk rejection, but I’ll guts it out to get what I want.”

If you can name reactions, you can think and plan a strategy. When you realize there’s fear (of losing her) behind your anger (she’s going on a vacation alone), you can avoid doing something stupid. A pounding heart and blind anger are good for telling you what you want, not good for getting it.

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Taking a girl out on a date already says a lot. But this whole business is not just about seducing someone. You must gain the confidence and trust of the person sitting at the other end of the table. More than that, you must make her feel good in your presence and even want more. How to do this? Simple! When you’re not flirting with her just let her take control for a while.

Always keep in mind that women’s favorite subject is themselves. This little “bug” in their software gives men a big advantage in a conversation and that is curiosity. Yet, only few use it because of the misconceptions surrounding curiosity in general. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but when a conversation between a man and a woman is concerned, I don’t think it ever hurt anyone. What I’m trying to say is that if she says something that makes you curious… just ask her! This will tell her that you are interested in her person. Nevertheless, watch out for those not so discreet questions that could turn you into a cat and get you killed.

Another thing most men forget is that women, even the prettiest, disregard themselves. If you discovered something about her that you really like make sure she can feel your admiration. This rule applies to anything from the color of her eyes to the way she back-parked her car for example. Still, try to use original ways to make compliments and remember that you’ll receive the most “points” for cherishing her intelligence.

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