“I’ve waited so long for love to come into my life, yet now that it’s here, I’m depressed. I can’t figure this out,” complained Elayne in one of our phone counseling sessions. “Todd is really terrific. He’s all I’ve been wanting in a man – open, caring, and emotionally available. I really think there is something wrong with me.”

“When did you start to feel depressed?” I asked.

“Well, I think it started last week right after we spent a wonderful weekend together.”

“What happened after the weekend?”

“It was Sunday evening. We had just come back from an early dinner, and Todd wanted to watch a movie with me on TV. I told him that I wanted to go to the gym because I hadn’t worked out in a few days. He sounded disappointed in not watching the movie with me, so I didn’t go to the gym. I stayed and watched the movie with him because I didn’t want him to feel hurt and rejected.”

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Did you ever meet your Mr Big: the love of your life – your Soul Mate? Did something within you rise up and insist, ‘This is the one, this is forever or this is divine destiny.’ Poems and love songs express it all with, ‘You were meant for me and I was born to love you.’

Love and death are the two life experiences which really compel us to look at life and the nature of reality. The loss of love, such as a divorce, the end of long term relationship or even an unrequited love can be as devastating as a death. We try to be rational and look for answers from an intellectual viewpoint, but we rarely, if ever, find satisfaction or resolution. At best, we may decide that, ‘It’s just the way things go, get over it and move on.’ Through some force of mental discipline we suck it down and convince ourselves that we have accepted and recovered from our loss.

There is nothing quite like a funeral to bring up the big questions, and we find ourselves processing our thoughts from a place outside the intellectual framework. A subtle and intangible sensing seems to come into play, and we may find ourselves wondering, ‘Could it be some kind of primal instinct, a spiritual communication or something along the lines of mystical or psychic phenomena?’

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Getting over your shyness may seem impossible right now, but with a little effort and the desire to be more outgoing with the opposite sex then, you can definitely overcome shyness. It is important to know that the fears you feel when shyness hits you are typically always much worse than the reality of the situation.

Below, I’ve listed 12 simple steps to overcoming your shyness. These aren’t magic solutions, but practice these steps and over time, your shyness will fade away and you will be left wondering what all the fuss was about in the first place.

Step 1. Fake it until you make it!

This is an infamous saying in the sales world. In other words; mimic or act like someone whom you admire and has all the personality traits you wish to have. This is a great way to start teaching yourself new behavioral habits. Put yourself in their shoes and play out real life situations as though you were them. This may sound crazy, but it does work!

Step 2. Ask yourself why you are shy.

Be honest with yourself. What are your real fears? What do you think people see when they talk with you? Answering these questions will help guide you into separating reality with what you are mistakenly perceiving it to be.

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NOTE TO SELF: “Engage brain before putting mouth into gear.”

I couldn’t find the origin of this saying, but it ranks in my top ten instructions for successful living. It’s just another way of saying, “Think before you speak,” but it sounds much more important.

When your mouth gets moving before your brain is engaged, your inner brat is unfettered. There is no filter to prevent you from saying things you might later regret.

Here are some risks of speaking without thinking:

- You might hurt/alarm/offend others, intentionally or not

- You might regret betraying secrets and confidences

- You might lose the advantage while negotiating

- You might lose respect from others

- Your reputation might suffer long-term damage

- You might lose your chance for a date, for a job or for a promotion

- You might get into trouble with the law

- You can’t take back what you said

If speaking mindlessly is so potentially destructive, why do people do it? There are a number of reasons:

1. To get attention: Spreading gossip or saying something outrageous puts you in the limelight for 15 seconds. But you may pay a high price to pay for those 15 seconds - lost trust and hurt feelings.

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Have you seen any miracles in your life?

Or maybe I should ask a better question…

Do you believe in miracles? Give me the answer to either one of the questions, I can tell you your answer for the other.

Dr Wayne Dyer has a wonderful book “You will see it when you believe it”. It is a life changing reading. If you haven’t read it yet, you should get a copy.

I have seen lots of miracles in my own life, and I see miracles almost every day.

Wouldn’t that be a miracle if you are thinking of improving your health, an experienced Chinese Qi Qong master come into your life and become a very good friend and teacher?

Wouldn’t that be a miracle if you are thinking of improving your spiritual life, you suddenly find a book by a spiritual master in the early 20th century.

Wouldn’t that be a miracle if you want to improve your financial life, an retired multi-millionaire living on the other end of the world come to contact you and is willing to teach you his success secrets?

Wouldn’t that be a miracle when you want to do a joint venture, someone from nowhere come to contact you and turn out to make one of the best joint venture?

Wouldn’t that be a miracle when you think of a solution for a problem, and a brilliant idea suddenly hits you?

Miracle happens everywhere, it can happen to you as well.

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