Romance can be experienced in numerous ways, but it is best enjoyed when you get all your senses in on the action. The following are suggestions for getting the most out of romance, one sense at a time.

Sight

Lighting should be one of the first areas you look at when trying to establish a romantic mood. Candlelight is perfect for romantic ambiance, as is the light from a fireplace. You could also try warm, soft light bulbs, preferably of a low-wattage or pleasing color.

Speaking of color, give some thought to it when arranging a romantic setting. Reds will tend to inspire feelings of passion, energy and conversation, while blues will encourage trust and relaxation, as well as helping to sooth nerves. Try violet, a combination of the two, for a great comforting effect. Colors to avoid include yellows and oranges.

Flower will also be not only be pleasing visually, but will also appeal to one’s sense of…

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A major challenge for parents, especially new parents, is finding the time to be together in ways that foster romance in their relationship. A question that a reader recently asked me is: “Is it the quality of time versus the quantity of time that is significant in ‘we-time’? If yes, how?”

Romance is determined far more by the quality of the energy between two people than by the amount of time they spend together. If two people spend all day together, but they are not open to each other regarding the sharing of learning, laughter, play and creativity, they will not feel romantic and intimate. They will feel far more romantic if they spend a few minutes together and that few minutes is filled with the intimacy that comes from being open hearted and emotionally connected with each other. If two people hug goodbye in the morning and the hug is perfunctory with their minds already elsewhere, that hug will do nothing to foster romance later that evening. But if the hug is filled with love, warmth, tenderness and caring, that hug can do much to sustain the romance through the day to be further expressed in the evening.

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Sex… There, I’ve said it… There are two major hot buttons for couples that come to see me: sex and money (we’ll get to money in another article).

People will not usually state it up front. It feels far too shameful to approach right off. But eventually I find that the sexual part of their life is ho-hum, less than satisfying, a subtle power game, or a hostile battlefield.

This is far from the lusty, passionate and even sweet experience of movies and advertisements. So, what’s going on in the bedroom?

First, let me assure you that many couples have a sexual life that is very fine. If you’re in that category then great! If not, then read on.

Most of us know that men and women have very different notions about sexuality. The stereotype is that men are just interested in bodies and women just want emotional closeness. And our culture encourages these stereotypes. However, there is also a lot of truth in them.

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Remember the words from an old song…

“Be sure it’s true when you say I love you, it’s a sin to tell a lie”.

The concept of “sin” has lost its meaning for many in our modern era, and even “love” has lost a significant portion of its importance.

If you still believe in “falling in love” then you will realize how difficult it is to say, “I love you” in a meaningful way. Three little words that can change your life forever. The words, themselves, have lost their meaning because of overuse, especially when it’s not really true. Everybody says them, for many different reasons, even if they don’t mean them.

However, when you really want tell your partner of your love it’s such a hard decision to make for many reasons. Will your partner return your love? Will your partner simply accept your declaration with indifference? Will he or she feel threatened? It is such a common problem that even “The Seinfeld Show” had an episode on it.

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Has your sex life been a bit neglected lately? Its not like you don’t care but well, it’s just finding the time and energy. It seems impossible some days because there’s work and cleaning and working out and grocery shopping and cooking dinner, laundry, kids, family commitments, friends, ironing! When you do get horizontal you pass out within minutes. Or you’re not in the mood. Or you just can’t be bothered. Soon enough a month has passed and you can’t remember the last time you had sex. And when was the last time you kissed your partner and I mean really kissed them, not just a polite peck?

Or maybe you’ve just fallen into a rut. You have sex in the same place at roughly the same time each week and do the same things. Routine is good for things like brushing your teeth but it shouldn’t come into your sex life when variety and excitement are crucial elements in making it fulfilling.

If this sounds like you and you want to kickstart your sex life back into well, life, then read on.

1. Be spontaneous

The element of surprise can be very seductive. Take a shower together, surprise your partner with a long passionate kiss when they are expecting to just graze lips, buy some new lingerie and wear it.

2. Get healthy

Eating well and regular exercise put you in better touch with your body and that inner healthy glow not only makes you look more attractive but gives you heaps of energy and makes you feel more vibrant and alive.

3. Be affectionate

If you haven’t had sex for awhile then it may be better to build up slowly to get back into the groove. Instead of trying to go from a standing start to racing speed, ease your way back into the physical by touching when you can and by being considerate with each other. Touch when you talk. Stop to kiss when you walk past each other in the hallway. Trail your finger along their shoulder as they sit reading a magazine. Snuggle on the couch in front of your favorite movie.

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