Has your sex life been a bit neglected lately? Its not like you don’t care but well, it’s just finding the time and energy. It seems impossible some days because there’s work and cleaning and working out and grocery shopping and cooking dinner, laundry, kids, family commitments, friends, ironing! When you do get horizontal you pass out within minutes. Or you’re not in the mood. Or you just can’t be bothered. Soon enough a month has passed and you can’t remember the last time you had sex. And when was the last time you kissed your partner and I mean really kissed them, not just a polite peck?

Or maybe you’ve just fallen into a rut. You have sex in the same place at roughly the same time each week and do the same things. Routine is good for things like brushing your teeth but it shouldn’t come into your sex life when variety and excitement are crucial elements in making it fulfilling.

If this sounds like you and you want to kickstart your sex life back into well, life, then read on.

1. Be spontaneous

The element of surprise can be very seductive. Take a shower together, surprise your partner with a long passionate kiss when they are expecting to just graze lips, buy some new lingerie and wear it.

2. Get healthy

Eating well and regular exercise put you in better touch with your body and that inner healthy glow not only makes you look more attractive but gives you heaps of energy and makes you feel more vibrant and alive.

3. Be affectionate

If you haven’t had sex for awhile then it may be better to build up slowly to get back into the groove. Instead of trying to go from a standing start to racing speed, ease your way back into the physical by touching when you can and by being considerate with each other. Touch when you talk. Stop to kiss when you walk past each other in the hallway. Trail your finger along their shoulder as they sit reading a magazine. Snuggle on the couch in front of your favorite movie.

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Loving someone and being loved in return, along with good health and financial independence, are among the things that people most desire to have in their lives. Being in a loving relationship makes us feel happy, safe and secure.

Love gives us a sense of achievement and enables us to balance the stresses and strains in our lives with the knowledge that there’s someone there to offer support in times of crisis and share those moments of happiness.

Life couldn’t get any better…

….then things may start to get a little shaky.

If you’ve reached the stage of consulting a relationship coach or counsellor, you’re probably at the stage where reality has bitten!

Whether it’s just nipped at your ankles or laid into your thigh with a big, toothy munch, you are experiencing some sort of uncertainty, stress or crisis in your relationship.

You may have lost that loving feeling. You may have started to question what you see in your partner. You flit between loving them and loathing them. One minute you want to be with them, the next minute you wish you were miles apart. You’re confused and puzzled as to why suddenly, it all seems to have gone wrong.

The reason is because love is not enough.

That’s right. You read it correctly.

“LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!”

It doesn’t matter what the Beatles or thousands of other musicians have sung. The true facts of life is that, while love is a very important part of a relationship, without other things, all you’ll ever have is a dream which never quite comes true.

To help bolster and boost love, you need trust, respect, fidelity, passion and focus in your relationship. Without these, all you will ever have is a two-dimensional love affair.

Here’s another reason why love is not enough:

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Kiss Her Lips Without Touching Them (The Non-Kiss)

Have you seen that movie called “Derailed” with Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owens, where he says he can kiss her lips without touching them? Well when women see that, about 80% of them hold their breath and shiver in anticipation (the other 20% scream: “get on with it why don’t you!”) I know it seems odd, but women love the promise, the potential and the frisson of anticipation; proof that sometimes the journey is better than the arrival

Press Your Body Against Hers (Gently).

Ok. So you’ve finally arrived at the moment. Now draw her to you gently, and press your entire body against hers. Gently now! This is about promise, not proof! Using the same principles as the “non-kiss,” this will tease, not terrorize her.

Go Gentle With That Tongue!

Why do guys think most women want a tongue sandwich? Sure use your tongue but use it teasingly. Don’t choke her with it, and don’t slobber all over her either! The tongue may say “passion, desire and virility” to you, but to her it says “whoa, waaay too much!” For a fool-proof kiss, follow her lead. In other words follow her tongue and then gently raise the bid.

Lips Open, Eyes Closed, And Say “Mmmm”

When you’re talking to her the eyes need to be fully opened, but for the kiss, closure is the way to go. Keep your lips a little open, firm and warm, and make quietly appreciative noises (not grunts, but rather the kind of sigh you’d make when sipping a fine wine–or supping a cold beer!)

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Set The Mood

Set the mood by treating her like a queen. Take care of her every need so she can just lay back and let the day’s stresses wash away. If it’s your first date, just relax, take your time and make the entire date all about her (which means you have to tell her stuff about you too!) Look, she wants to feel like a million dollars, so treat her as though she is.

Pick The Right Situation

Take her out to a restaurant, for a moonlight walk, or cook dinner at home. Whatever the situation, create an ambience that’s all about romance. Make sure the music is just right, give her your full attention, and if at all possible use candles! Candles are the secret-weapon of romantic guys everywhere. There isn’t anyone who doesn’t look mysterious, and glamorous by candlelight.

Sweet, Sweet, Breath And Soft, Soft, Lips

Guys, no one likes fish-breath! Or cigarette-breath come to that. Now wine-breath or chocolate-breath may just be OK, depending on the tastes of your partner, but you know what? To play safe, brush like a dentist! If you can’t do that, then always have breath fresheners with you–any brand as long as they are peppermint or spearmint–and don’t forget the lip balm.

Learn From The Masters

Too may guys dive straight in and have her pinned against the wall in three seconds flat. Look. She’s most likely very tentative so be tentative too! She’ll like that a lot. You must have watched the masters at work in those wonderful old classic movies starring Bogart and Cary Grant? It may take an entire 90 minutes to work up to THE kiss, but when it finally happens the sexual tension is just explosive! Well watch those movies again. Take note of the body language; the flashing eyes; the meaningful looks; the brushing of fingertips. What’s NOT being said is louder–and way sexier–than any porn movie!

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A lot of people say they’d like to have a super love life, but it all boils down to the question, “Are you willing to work for it?”

First thing to do is to get physical.

When most people would choose a twinkie over an apple, you’ll have to be the one who has the wisdom and willpower to choose the apple. In a world increasingly addicted to TV, you and your mate will have to come up with the willpower to go out on a nature walk or bicycle ride.

Why?

Because you can’t have a healthy love life unless you treat your body with the kind of love and respect that we’re discussing. We’re not talking about a six-week diet, we’re considering a life-long program of better nutrition.

We are not advocating a three-month exercise program here to take off two inches from the waist; we’re pushing for regular exercise every day of our lives!

A good way to kick-start is with some cardiovascular exercises. The Harvard School of Public Health reports that men who were physically inactive were 40 percent more likely to experience erectile dysfunction than men who exercised a half hour a day.

A foundation of correct nutrition and regular exercise is necessary before we can begin to think about a healthy love life. Eat to live and love. Most of us do not realize how foods affect our moods, feelings, energy level, and behavior.

When we get down in the dumps, we don’t automatically say, “Gosh, I must not have been eating right.”

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