Being apologetic doesn’t come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate and self-centered does. So I realized long ago that my marital survival would depend on two things: 1) learning to apologize and 2) becoming less selfish and more considerate.

It was easier to start with apologies. Over time I got better and better at learning how to apologize. I was amazed at the effect.

First, it was the basic mumbling of, “I’m sorry.” Those two words were remarkable in healing bruised feelings. It was as if I had a license to do what I wanted– as long as I looked sincere and said, “I’m sorry.” It was like having a “Get out of jail free” Monopoly card.

When my apology failed to produce the desired results, I spruced it up. I would put my apology in a tuxedo, and my wife would be so grateful that I would get another reprieve.

(more…)

Do you ever feel like you catch up with your partner infrequently, often late at night when you’re too tired to speak? Or when your timetables happen to collide? There are work dinners, school outings, sporting practice, dinners with friends, homework to supervise, household chores and so the list goes on. Do you feel like you need to make a date night just to spend some one on one time with your other half? Time when you’re not sleeping?

If this sounds like you then I’m sure you will enjoy these tips for keeping each other close at heart, even if you can’t always be as physically close as you’d like.

Its all about communicating and sharing the little things that make up our lives. Here are ten easy ways to make your feelings known:

1. Birthday love letter. There is something powerful about a letter. A few years ago my husband and I agreed to write a love letter for each other’s birthday. I think I picked it up from a magazine article about Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Apparently it’s something they used to do in lieu of expensive presents. Obviously it didn’t work for their marriage but we’ve found it has become the part of our birthday celebrations that we enjoy the most.

(more…)

Certain things about signs of infidelity come as a surprise to most people. Even people who consider themselves knowledgeable about extramarital affairs may be unfamiliar with some of the little-known facts below. This information is taken from Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs.

1. Telltale signs first begin to appear while the infidelity is still in the planning stage.

2. Most cheaters display signs of infidelity they aren’t even aware of, and wouldn’t even think to cover up.

3. Most people either miss or misinterpret the many subtle signs of infidelity staring them in the face.

4. If you know what to look for, you can find countless signs of infidelity using just your eyes, your ears and your personal knowledge of your mate.

5. It’s not the obvious signs of infidelity – it’s the subtle signs (the ones most people overlook) that will give the cheater away every time.

(more…)

1. « Making a mountain out of a molehill »

Do you want to live in peace with your beloved? Then, first, control yourself. Losing your temper, showing constant anger, or shouting for pointless reasons is obviously very harmful. Try to throw back quarrelsome, authoritarian attitudes: you can contain your reactions: stop being so sensible (or hypersensitive, if you prefer) at the slightest contrariety. In particular, distrust your interpretations : immediately assigning a negative meaning to a sentence, a gesture which you didn’t understand well, leads to misunderstandings – which kills off your agreement. Means # 1 to break your love relationship: aggressiveness and verbal violence.

2. « Unjustified attacks of jealousy »

Is your wife always attracting men’s attention? Faint flattering whisperings? Admiring, if not always discreet, comments? Feel flattered ! Keep smiling ! It is a tribute to you, one more proof of your good taste, of the good choice you have made. And, especially don’t hold it against her. Do not blame her for a ‘provocative’ attitude: charm and beauty reveal themselves even in the most modest women’s behavior. As for you, Lady, if ‘he’ unconsciously turns his gaze to a passing young lady, do not take this gesture of innocent admiration as a harbinger of adultery! Do not ask him : ‘- Do you want her photo?? ’ He wouldn’t understand you or would find you unfair. Means # 2 to kill your love relationship: unmotivated jealousy.

(more…)

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What’s up? Why is he doing that? He’s never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn’t mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become “unpredictable.” No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven’s sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, “I really don’t know what is going on in me right now, but I’m moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!”

(more…)