Lessons from the Teepee Turn-around

There is an old expression, which may sound trite, but I believe it is true, “People that play together, stay together.” A couple (by marriage or some other agreement) can increase their chance of remaining a positive statistic, by creating a habit of engaging in fun activities together. These can be planned or spontaneous. When you have fun together, it creates positive memories, which act as seeds for a long, playful relationship.

Carol operates a Bed & Breakfast and Country Vacation business. Through this, we have the opportunity to meet and learn about people from far and wide.

The Teepee Turn-around

Last summer John and Audrey arranged to stay with us, away from their Edmonton, Alberta home. They were both in their seventies, and had fond memories of time spent on farms when they were children. They thought it was time to revisit a farm and create some new fun memories.

They arrived in mid afternoon, well ahead of when we expected them. I was repairing a fence, some distance from the yard and they did not see me as I approached. I stopped to watch “the game.”

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There is so much pain and suffering in this world today and I don’t feel like there is enough talking about what it is like to be happily married. Sometimes I am in awe about how unusual it is in this world to see a truly happy married couple. No nagging, no bullsh*t, no rage, no getting even, no ulterior motives…just unconditional love.

Now there is an interesting concept. Unconditional love. What is it? Well, the dictionary describes it as, “without conditions or limitations; absolute”. The bible describes unconditional as the purest of all loves. It is the love that God has for us and it is that love that allowed our sins to be forgiven 2000 years ago on a wooden cross on Calvary.

Unconditional love is usually the kind of love parents share with their children. There are the obvious exceptions but overall, parents love their kids no matter what and without any conditions. You love them when they are good and even when they are bad. You would give them the world if you could and don’t expect anything in return. That is unconditional love.

But where is the unconditional love in marriage. Two people have pledged their life to one another and yet, there doesn’t seem to be any hint of unconditional love anywhere. There is a lot of he hurt me so I’ll hurt him back (or vice versa), jealousy, sex is a chore, I am too tired, he just doesn’t look like the man I married, she doesn’t let me do the things I would like to do, etc. Where is the love? Where is the communication of unconditional love???

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Looking for a way to ignite the sparks in your marriage? Want to feel closer and more loving towards your mate? Practicing praise increases the love energy in any relationship at any age.

Using this valuable tip from our workbook Second Time Around: Reinventing Your Retirement Marriage makes the love light glow!

Motivating with Praise

In your marriage, one partner may exhibit behaviors the other partner doesn’t like. Undesirable situations can occur. Trying to change or clear away what you don’t want in your marriage is never as effective as focusing on what you do want.

Here are several reasons change works this way:

1. When you try to change an undesirable behavior, you are telling your partner her behavior is wrong. None of us accept being wrong as easily as being right.

2. Often criticism is backed by anger that puts your partner on the defensive. No one is at his creative best when forced to the defensive position.

3. When you seek more of what you want, you are in fact praising yourself or your partner for what is going on. Praise is one of the best motivators to encourage people. Remember to apply this to yourself; praise yourself often.

4. Negativity, either expressed or just thought about, causes you to lose your feeling of power. Check this out; experience how you feel when in your mind you criticize your partner. Now, in your thoughts, give praise and notice the difference in how you feel about yourself. You feel more powerful in the praise scenario.

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Why does my husband always disagree? Why does my wife put my ideas down?

One of the most irritating aspects of life as a united couple is trying to convince your spouse when they take a Macho attitude. Wives say that when they want to suggest an idea to their spouse, or get an agreement that a problem needs to be fixed, they are often faced with denial and negative attitudes. Husbands report that when they want to try something new, their partners often reject their suggestion without proper consideration. And both men and women say that they resent tiptoeing around on eggshells to avoid getting their life partners angry.

Some people seem to be constantly negative or skeptical. How can you influence someone who always looks for the crack or the loophole in what you say? Doesn’t it seem unfair that it’s often with your life partner that you have the least credibility? What do you have to do to get taken seriously? It can be easier to just give up rather than spend time and energy trying to get people to listen.

When a person is running what we call a Macho Pattern, they operate as if they believe the following:

* They already know everything there is to know.

* They do not have any problems; they and everything connected with them are perfect.

* If there are problems, they are of someone else’s making.

* They are better, higher, more important, and more knowledgeable than anyone else.

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A recent study is revealing the hard facts that one needs to know, in order to unlock the secrets of building a lasting love relationship. This study revealed that marriage is very predictable. It also developed a decision-making tool that anyone can use to choose their true lover (from the open range of millions of singles), and show you how-to keep her/him successfully.

This study interviewed over 1,000 experienced adults ranging between the ages of 26 and 80 years old. Among these interviewed adults were the successfully married, the unsuccessfully married, the adult singles who had quit looking for a lover, those who were still trying to find their mates, and a few who had completely changed their sexual behaviors to escape the deep pain that hit hard into their soul. This study revealed all the information that has been missing, and I will progressively be sharing this incredible wealth of know-how in the articles on your web page.

Let me tell you some of what I found. Out of more than 1,000 adults interviewed, 280 adults had failed in marriage. They had a lot of stories and experiences, and I will only share a few of the hard learned lessons they had in common. Note that: the aim of sharing this information here is to empower you to understand how they failed, why they failed, and how you can use their experiences to enable you to make winning decisions to brighten your future. Please, study these findings:

1. As at the time of tying the knot, each of those 280 adults believed that their marriage was going to last forever, but that did not happen! They all learned this hard lesson; that being good and wanting to be successfully married is not enough on its own, because the success of your marriage truly depends on your husband or your wife. They proved that you cannot sustain a love relationship single handedly; it takes two to succeed. And therefore, it is important that you choose a lover who is right for you, and also finds you right to them; and I will share with you how to do this in the next articles.

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