By The Numbers

I need some clarification on something my husband has told the world, but first, a little background. We’ve been married four years, and he has cheated on me twice. They were separate affairs, each lasting less than a year.

The first one we moved past by recommitting to each other. Well, at least I did. I was getting back to my old self, and we were going out on weekends canoeing, swimming, hiking, and bicycling. Shortly afterward I discovered the second affair. That one really threw me for a loop because he led me to believe things were getting much better.

Then yesterday I saw him on a website I thought was a site for uploading pictures of family and friends. I learned it is a social networking site. On the website he lists his relationship status as “it’s complicated.” When I asked him what that means, he said I read too much into things.

To me it sounds like “I am married but still available.” That doesn’t sit well with me. Now he is talking about us moving out of state away from my family. Does “it’s complicated” mean to him what it says to me?

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Skin Deep

I’m a college-age young woman with everything in her life going great, except for the dating aspect. I recently came to the conclusion I am dating what I think are the “right” guys, but they are wrong for me.

My usual type is very attractive, affectionate, intelligent—all the great things girls want in a guy; at least that’s who they are in the beginning. When it comes to actually making a relationship, it usually turns out they don’t want the kind of commitment I do, or we share very different views on cheating.

In fact, I am dating a guy I felt an instant spark with and who I am close to after only a month. Of course, he isn’t ready for any kind of a relationship, though he tells me this could change anytime. I’m glad to say, I’m not holding my breath.

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False Allegiance

My boyfriend’s mother has treated me unfairly from day one, and he has witnessed her behavior. Surely I couldn’t have done anything to upset her before we even met. When my boyfriend told me after we marry his mother’s issue becomes my problem, I reached my patience’s end and broke it off.

Three months later he came back and said he’s been thinking of nothing but us. He is convinced perhaps he went overboard protecting his mother and neglecting my feelings. However when he told his mother he wants to marry me, she refused to talk about it. When he made a stern effort to break the ice, she cried and told him he has changed.

My perception is, after her husband left for another woman, she lived alone and depended on her son for all the attention in life. She’s jealous and insecure now that I am in the picture. I don’t see her ever maturing or accepting that her son will have his own family and she won’t be his center-point.

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Rewriting History

My wife and I have been married 40 years. I recently found out that 14 months after we married she began a three year affair. I was called to active duty in the Air Force at the time and sent out of state. Not knowing how long I would be gone, she moved back home.

The affair began immediately after I left. I had no idea. I knew her for four years before our marriage, and she came from a good Christian family. Although I made it back home every other weekend, the affair continued. After 18 months I was released from active duty, and we moved into an apartment.

Low and behold, soon after I returned I got a fantastic promotion that required me to be out of town Monday through Friday. The affair continued full steam ahead. At one point my wife asked me for a divorce, giving no specific reason. Unfortunately I talked her out of it.

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I am writing during a trying time in my life. I am a 35-year-old mother of three children and just recently lost my husband. My siblings and I have been dealing with an alcoholic mother since we were born. There were harsh and horrible memories, but I believe we have all forgiven her.

My father who did not drink, but worked two full-time jobs, divorced her when the youngest of us kids was a teenager. My mother has gone through ups and downs ever since. Two years ago she was arrested again for drunk driving. After realizing she’d be facing prison time, she attempted suicide many times.

The worst time my mother landed in intensive care for a week on a respirator, unconscious, while her children, sister and brother sat vigil by her bedside. We were told if paramedics arrived 10 minutes later she would have died. Each time she attempted to kill herself, she called one of us kids to let us know and say goodbye after taking all the pills.

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