Are you tired of the same old routine first dates? Need a change from the dinner and a movie routine? Why not do something that gives you some insight into each other’s personality and is interesting? Not that I’m totally against dinner and a movie as a first date or even a tenth date. There is the benefit that you don’t have to think about what you’re going to say next for at least 90 minutes (even longer if it’s a Kevin Costner epic). I just think that a change needs to occur when I’ve seen all of the movies playing this month at the local megaplex. Another downside to dinner and a movie is that it can be inconvenient for those of us who work the nightshift. So I am offering the following ideas to inspire you to get out of the dating rut, whether it’s your first or tenth.

For the romantic, a picnic is an ideal choice as long as the weather cooperates. For inclimate weather you may have to get creative in your location, but don’t give up hope. Traditionally, picnicking is something that established couples do, but don’t be afraid to suggest it early in your romance. In addition to having as simple or elaborate meal as you choose, you can bring along a Frisbee or ball to play catch. You can also take a walk. For the less ambitious or weather bound, you can people watch or share a paper (Sunday papers work especially well). Another benefit is that daylight dating adds a little bit of safety, and you can always have an escape excuse if things aren’t going the way you planned (Examples: I’m babysitting for a friend, I’m having my teeth cleaned, I have to have dinner with my parents – you get the idea.). People also seem to be more honest about themselves in the cold light of day, which is always refreshing. Finally, there is the benefit that you can always continue the date into the evening if things are going exceptionally well.

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It doesn’t matter how you got to be single in your mid-thirties. What does matter, however, is that you have certain priorities in order so that you can protect yourself and those you date from getting hurt. There are too many reasons to list on why you’re on the market at this stage in your life, but you should be clear on your goals, both long and short-term. You don’t want to be led on or trapped into something you didn’t want in the first place.

The very first things you need to consider are your short and long-term relationship goals. If you are a confirmed bachelor (or bachlorette) you definitely don’t want to be dating someone who is determined to settle down and start a family. Age is often tied to this as well. A twenty-something may be looking for a good time or to tie the knot. While a boy toy or trophy can be fun in the short-term, if you are looking for a serious relationship you may want to look elsewhere.

There are a lot of things to consider when dating either above or below your age bracket. If you fall for someone who is a lot younger, you may get hurt because they can lack maturity that comes only from life experience. Twenty-somethings are often still trying to figure out where they fit in, and are still forming their goals. Another problem is children; they may or may not want them. If you get really serious, as in any age bracket, you need to discuss each other’s views on children.

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The phone rings at 3:00 Monday afternoon and it is your best girlfriend Jenny, inviting you to dinner next weekend. What a nice thought, until she tells you there is “this guy she just knows you’ll like”.

Do these “arranged situations” ever work out; these blind dates that well meaning friends and families attempt to arrange for all of us at some point in our lives? What do we have to lose anyway? Well, let’s just look at what happened when Jenny tried to do this favor for her friend Lisa!

It had been a long Monday for Lisa, and she was ready for a friendly voice on the telephone. When she heard from Jenny, it was the bright spot in her day. Little did Lisa know what an impact this call would have on her life for the next few weeks. Jenny invited her to a restaurant they had both been anxious to try out; a new little Italian place with red checked tablecloths, a real live violinist, and a tempting selection of wonderful foods and wines. This was just what she was needed to plan for to help her get through her week!

But wait, there’s a catch, and he has a name. Jenny knows this fellow named Bob who just moved to town and is a really nice guy. She thought it would be “fun” to do a double date Saturday night with Bob and his friend from work. It sounded harmless since they’ve both wanted to try out the new place, so Lisa accepted Jenny’s invitation and they both made plans to meet at Berelli’s Saturday night.

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I received a very interesting email from a man regarding how to deal with what he calls “today’s new breed of woman”– sexy women who expect men to be subservient and submissive.

I get a lot of emails on this topic, many from men comparing American women to foreign women, complaining that American women are too domineering to deal with. Is this true? Does “today’s sexy women” really want a wimp for a man… or is there something else going on? Read on to discover the surprising answer…

“John, I have read much of your information with interest. You always emphasize having authority with women. But my question is: what about today’s dominant sexy women? Many women of today are dominant and expect and require a man to take the submissive and subservient role.

To these new breed of women, a dominant man is anathema! These attractive, sexy women expect a man to play ’second fiddle,’ even to cater to their every whim. It is their way or the highway! But how do I approach today’s dominant women without appearing too needy? And even more how do I get on intimate terms with them? I have known some dominant women but I have never gotten intimate with them. They have used me as a play toy, a personal chore and errand boy at their beck and call with nothing to show for it in the end. Thanks, Tom”

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Dating can be stressful and nerve wracking. You might feel like you are under a microscope and all your failures and faults are exposed in the open. But you can make things easier on yourself by boosting your confidence. You’ll be much more attractive to any date when you exude self confidence plus you’ll be able to enjoy yourself more and get much more out of the dating experience.

Since the whole point of dating is getting to know someone better, most people are nervous about making a good impression. Self doubts can creep in - are you smart enough? Attractive enough? Successful enough? That coupled with the threat of rejection is enough to make anyone’s confidence go south.

So how can you increase your confidence for your next date?

First off, don’t blow the date all out of proportion. It is just a date - one afternoon or evening. The rest of your life does not depend on it, although of course, you could be meeting your future spouse! Whether you are just looking for a fun night out or desperately trying to find Mr or Mrs right, it is best to just focus on the date itself. Take it for what it is and don’t put a lot of pressure on the event. Enjoy the person you are on the date with and the meal, movie or whatever - don’t have any great expectations other than a fun date.

Go into the date thinking of yourself as a person that has a lot of confidence. We’ve all seen them, the person that sweeps into the room and turns heads even when they might not be the most attractive or best dressed. If you picture yourself as confident then you will act this way - even when you don’t really feel it.

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