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I have a unique problem, one that just came about today. I recently moved to South America so I could be with my husband. I shipped a handful of things over, most of which were unpacked and stored properly. Yet some items, such as an old video camera that hadn’t been used in years, got tossed in a “sort later” box.

While I was doing my visa renewal in the States, my hubby decided to dig out the video camera, and unfortunately he found two intense, kinky videos my ex-fiancé and I did when we were together. I hadn’t used the camera for years and completely forgot about the videos.

I came home tonight from dinner with family to find a series of angry emails demanding an explanation. They got worse and worse as time went by without a response and ended with him saying he couldn’t be married to a sick, perverted tramp and he wanted a divorce.

Unfortunately, I had to explain my relationship with the man in the video. He is a morally depraved man who took advantage of me when I was new to town, young, naïve, stupid, weak and lonely. He is a con artist, sociopath, compulsive liar and master manipulator.

He brainwashed me to believe, if I didn’t do what he wanted, he would find somebody else. In fact, the videos were done when I was staggeringly drunk.

When I finally left him, I sought extensive therapy for over a year, remained single a total of two years and took time to find myself. I explained to my husband the girl in the video is not the woman he married nine months ago, but he won’t listen.

He changed his status and deleted me from Facebook, not that I put much time and energy into FB, but it is still hurtful and not a good sign. I fly to South America in nine days, and I’m terrified what I am coming back to.

What should I do? Should I go dark for a few days and wait for him to cool off? This all happened years before we were married, but that fact won’t erase the images from his mind.

I love my husband so much and I know he loves me. He knows my feelings about the vows we took, so I know that him saying he wants a divorce is serious. I’m scared.


Natasha, the price of error on a grand scale is high. It does not matter that there are only two videos or that you were drunk. In your husband’s mind there should not even be one.

It is one thing to know about something, another to see it and still another to see it in ways you could not previously imagine. This video may be the worst thing that ever happened to you, and you still had it in your possession?

Perhaps you blocked it out. But your husband will wonder, if she forgot about two videos, were there 22? How many others have seen this? How badly does it make me look to be married to her?

There has always been a general rule about images. Never allow an image of yourself to be taken which puts you in a ridiculous, degrading or embarrassing position.

Today, when everyone carries a phone which can take photos and video, that rule is mandatory. Your most intimate moments can be in front of millions in a minute.

Going dark won’t help. The only tack to take is this. “I understand how you feel. You have a right to do what is right for you. This is a horrible part of my history, I wish it was gone, and I wish it had never happened.”

This is a disaster, and you know it could get worse. If you ever get the videos back, destroy them.

Wayne & Tamara

Wayne and Tamara

About The Author
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com

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