My future mother-in-law went from liking me to not liking me in the matter of one evening when discussing the budget and guest list with her. My parents are paying for the wedding. His have not offered, and who knows if they’ll pay for the rehearsal dinner.

My fiancé and his family are penny-pinchers and have a difficult time understanding how anyone can spend $20,000 on only one day. As a wedding planner, I have cut many things out and saved us on many aspects. But when his mother asked why I plan on putting $1,500 towards the gown and said I should rent my dress, I got upset.

Furthermore, my fiancé decided to bring up my best friend’s wedding, which is her second one, that only cost $5,000. When my dad stepped in, his mother calmed down. However, a couple of days later she sent my fiancé a text message expressing her now concern over us getting married, saying she didn’t like what she saw and that my dad treated me like a princess.

To top it off, she suggested my fiancé make me sign a prenuptial agreement because the odds are stacked against our marriage. This was after my fiancé and I had a conversation about the wedding budget and worked out all of our concerns.

Now she is suddenly bringing things up that happened in the past that have nothing to do with her. She continues to push her opinions on my fiancé. What’s irritating is his mom and stepdad have psychoanalyzed everyone in their life and pushed their opinions on everyone, which has led everyone around them to cut ties with them.

I am at a breaking point and no longer enjoy planning my wedding. I dreamed about this my entire life, and now I’m just sad and depressed. It hurts that I went from a good relationship with my future mother-in-law to feeling I want nothing to do with her and don’t even want her at the wedding.

My fiancé is stuck in the middle and though he told his parents we are getting married on X date, be there or don’t, it still doesn’t feel right. I’m terrified to talk to her as I’m scared she’ll find more ways to use things against me.

Nan

Nan, your future mother-in-law is in familiar territory and you are not. She’s used to alienating people. Don’t think you can achieve with her what others have been unable to achieve. You’re not the mother-in-law miracle worker.

There is no right or wrong answer to how much to spend on a wedding. The cost ranges from the price of a license to the vast amount spent on a royal wedding. As a wedding planner, you should know the fewer people involved in the decision-making process, the greater the likelihood the bride will get what she wants.

The problem with this penny-pincher is she wants to pinch other people’s pennies. Perhaps she envies the good relationship you have with your dad, or she is jealous you will have the wedding she never had. But don’t disappoint your father trying to gain your mother-in-law’s approval. If your fiancé is in your camp, that’s all that matters.

Take control of the planning. Your fiancé has given you permission. He told his parents be there or don’t be there, and your dad is picking up the tab. If need be, pay for the rehearsal dinner as well.

In “Pride and Prejudice,” when a nasty woman tries to stop her wedding, Lizzy Bennet tells her, “You can now have nothing farther to say. You have insulted me in every possible method.”

Often good people look too much for the approval of others. Then the solution is to say, with Lizzy Bennet, “I am only resolved to act in that manner, which will, in my own opinion, constitute my happiness, without reference to you…”

Wayne & Tamara