Workhorse / Trivial Pursuit
Workhorse
I am a mother and wife with two grown children. I am also an educator. From the age of nine my life has been taking care of other people. My mother got sick when I was nine and from that time I took care of my mom, dad, sister, little brother and the house chores.
At 19 I married and my role never changed. At 20 I became a mother, and then again at 25. Now 47, I still take care of my family.
I have talked to my husband and my two children about how exhausted I feel emotionally and physically. I even said my workplace is my escape from them and everything else. I just want to run away from my family, though not from my friends or work.
I am tired of saying the same things over and over to them. They respond that I am a mother and wife and that is my role in life. They say I should get over it and enjoy life, because we have today but tomorrow may never come.
Should I get up and leave, or stay and be the person I have been all these years: the caretaker.
Millie
Millie, in one of his mountaineering books, John Krakauer describes the New York socialite he met while climbing Mount Everest. This woman not only brought climbing gear, she also brought gourmet food and an espresso machine, and she had fresh copies of Vogue and Vanity Fair delivered to her on the mountain.
A Sherpa rolled up her sleeping bag each morning and packed her rucksack. Another Sherpa even pulled her up Everest at the end of a short rope. That is how she “climbed” the mountain.
Your family expects you to be the faithful, underpaid Sherpa. They will be mad if you aren’t. Too bad for them.
Let them stomp, kick and throw tantrums. The longer they protest the more you will learn how much they care about themselves and how little they care about you.
Don’t try to win the argument. Pick the things you want to do and do them. Let them schedule around your activities and interests. Then let the chips fall where they may.
Not only will you feel your life is worthwhile, you will stop feeling like a constant failure because too many people are asking for too much. Discover what you have zeal for. Your new life is about finding your own way to the mountaintop, not carrying someone else’s espresso machine.
Wayne & Tamara
Trivial Pursuit
I have a great relationship with my husband. We have one issue that is driving me crazy. My husband had a terrible previous marriage to a woman who left him for another man.
When we married, he added me to his bank account. He’s had his bank password for 15 years and refuses to change. The letters in the password include his initials, his parents’ initials, her initials and his wedding date.
I am offended. I don’t feel I should have to type their initials and wedding date just to log into our bank account. He thinks I am being ridiculous. This is his password for many sites and he refuses to change. When I type their initials, I feel like a third wheel.
Rachel
Rachel, the first U.S. spacecraft was a tiny one-person capsule called the Mercury. An astronaut in the Mercury spent the entire flight strapped in a chair, unable even to stand.
On one flight an astronaut told mission control the sound of a valve opening and closing was driving him crazy. The controllers told him to try “loving” the sound. Once the astronaut relaxed and changed his attitude, he found the annoyance disappeared.
If your husband won’t change his password for security reasons, as he should, try “loving” that password as a reminder of what you freed him from.
Wayne & Tamara