My best friend Becky and I have known each other since we were 12. We are now both 48. Nine weeks ago I broke my ankle and was on the couch for eight weeks. This left me horribly housebound, not even able to get myself a cup of coffee or drive, because I needed crutches.

Becky’s husband is our financial planner. The week after I broke my ankle he called my husband to do a financial review. I know he wanted to move our money around since this is how he earns commissions. We hadn’t heard from them since Christmas, and the sole reason he called was business.

Even though my husband told him it was a bad time because I had broken my ankle, I did not get a phone call, flowers, or a card from them. I thought perhaps they were having some kind of financial troubles and put it down to that.

Last weekend I flew to another city for a wedding and stayed with my sister-in-law. I was still in a cast and using a cane. Low and behold, on Sunday my sister-in-law tells me she is having guests over but won’t tell me who. My mouth fell open when a car pulled up and it was Becky and her husband.

They were in my sister-in-law’s city for a convention. I was gracious and polite while Becky showed me her new 2-carat diamond ring and told me they bought a house in another country so they can escape our cold winters.

This morning I received an e-mail from Becky–again, not a phone call–asking to come over so her hubby could do business. I burst into tears. My husband’s reaction was we should pull our business away from her husband and find another financial planner. This would be a slap in the face, and I’m not sure I want to go that far.

My husband also suggested we reply to the e-mail saying we are going to go visit those who helped me convalesce and bring them gifts of appreciation. He thought they would get the hint. What would you do?

Carolyn

Carolyn, when the wife of an attorney we knew would mention they were going to a party, he would sometimes correct her. He would say they were “going on the clock.” This attorney understood that much of his business originated with social occasions.

Most of us don’t think the people we occasionally call, like our plumber, are friends, but many people think the accountant or planner they socialize with is a friend. And they may be. But they may also be using friendship as the shoehorn they need to make a living.

Though it’s unpleasant to consider, your lifelong “friend” and her husband may think you aren’t making them enough money to send you a gift. They may believe you have dropped below the level at which they need to be polite.

We wouldn’t give Becky credit for the e-mail she sent. E-mail takes no time and effort. She could do 16 of them in her bathrobe before lunch to help her husband make money.

We start from this premise: it is not wise to make emotional decisions about money. If you think you can do better with a different financial planner, then move your business. But if her husband is making you money, call and say, “When we are ready for a financial review, we’ll let you know.”

If these two knew you might move your account, they may treat you better–the way a new financial planner, anxious to keep your business, would act. But remember, there is never an advantage in letting someone move your assets around just to generate a commission.

Your 36-year friendship appears to be less than what you thought. That’s actually a plus. It is always good to know who our friends are.

Wayne & Tamara