No Dogs Allowed

My closest friend is a dog lover with two big dogs. Although I don’t like to do it, I have doggy-sat during a couple of her week-long vacations.

I am an animal lover but like my house clean and odor free. The last time I doggy-sat I covered my floors with blankets and towels. Still the dogs are not well-trained and had three accidents in one week. I had to get my carpets cleaned.

I did not share this information with my friend. Her friendship is important to me and she considers her dogs her family. So I said sweet things about the dogs when she returned and will never say a bad word about them even though my home was left a mess.

I planned to hire a pet sitter for my recent vacation when my friend sweetly volunteered to feed my hamster. She drove over twice during the week to feed the hamster and clean its cage. I expressed my appreciation and gave her a thank you gift.

My friend just told me about a trip she is planning soon and I feel terrible not volunteering to doggy-sit. I will feel worse if she asks me to take care of the dogs, because I plan to say no. How can I politely decline if asked?

Keeley

Keeley, openness makes the strongest friendships, and honesty is the easiest way to live. You should have told your friend the dogs had accidents. Once you concealed what happened, it became impossible to tell the truth without making her defensive or disbelieving.

But it’s not too late to put things right. Put this on yourself. You are a hamster person, not a dog person. It’s simply a difference between you and your friend. Tell her, “I gave it a try and I’m glad the dogs are okay, but I don’t want to tempt fate again. Having dogs is too stressful for me.”

Suggest kennels or pet sitting services, or go with her to check out facilities, especially one with a vet on call. It’s what Tamara always says about oatmeal cookies. If you don’t like oatmeal cookies, tell people. Otherwise you have condemned yourself to a life of being offered oatmeal cookies.

Wayne

Bad Company

My close friend of four years suddenly became involved in illegal activities and surrounded herself with people who make me uncomfortable. She assures me these things should not in any way affect our friendship, but the fact is they truly do!

When I first met her she was shy, and now that she’s involved in drugs and crazy parties she seems to be a different person. In social situations she doesn’t hesitate to point out my flaws. It seems she only likes me around so she can feel superior.

My fiancé despises her and tells me I should break all ties. A group of friends approached me saying the same thing–that her destructive behavior wasn’t just affecting her but deeply affecting me as well.

My greatest worry is by cutting off our friendship she may float deeper into a harmful lifestyle. It’s come to a point where I avoid her calls and e-mails. I feel this is an awful way to end a friendship. How can I end our friendship in a way that doesn’t harm her any more than she has harmed herself?

Sophia

Sophia, you are in a danger zone. People see she is changing you for the worse, and acting as a middleman between her and them may put them in harm’s way as well. You are not a social worker. Even trained professionals would have a hard time helping her.

Chasing after her shows you think highly of her. Cutting her off tells her you don’t accept her behavior. End this friendship in as quiet and as natural and as quick a way as possible.

Wayne & Tamara