Internal Investigation

About a year ago, I started to suspect my husband was having at least an emotional affair. Something was changing the familiar pattern of our relationship. I also found notes from a woman on his Facebook page and odd numbers on the phone bill.

At first I attributed the change in our level of intimacy to a combination of his age and a medication he was taking for stress. However, when I looked up the medication, there was no indication the drug affected the sex drive. When I asked my husband if he was interested in having an affair, I got a predictable answer.

Then last weekend we were at a pub. He drank too much and told me he would call his younger “friend” to keep him company unless I agreed to stay with him and drink. I was not drinking. I got up and went home, and he followed.

When I asked him about it the next day, he could not give me an explanation. I am an investigator by profession, and part of me wants to follow up. I will be devastated if it turns out he is having an affair–emotional or physical. We have two teenage children. Should I start to dig, or should I live with a suspicious mind?

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Good Woman

My fiancée has asked me to find a new friend for my ex-wife. For reasons I cannot fathom, my ex-wife has made a confidante of my fiancée. My ex-wife is a good woman, but she can become clingy and negative. My fiancée, unfortunately for herself, is friendly and polite–very polite.

Since my ex-wife has custody of my children, it means that said ex-wife holds power over me, and she has tried wielding this power before. My fiancée is becoming burdened with the neediness of the ex, especially when my ex unloads her own rather idiosyncratic views of me, which is sometimes done on a daily basis.

I have been negotiating a revision of custody, parenting time, and child support, all in my favor, and my ex-wife was amenable. But now, as things come down to the wire, she is getting cold feet. Setting her off might not only end up with no gains but actually cause losing ground.

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Blindside

My ex-husband left me a week before Thanksgiving. We had built a brand-new home, moved our things in, and a month later he left me and our two young sons. The day before we had measured our backyard for a patio, made love, and ate dinner together. I fell asleep with him telling me how much he loved me.

The next day he never came home. He filed for divorce and four months later it was done. He enthusiastically gave me full physical and legal custody of our children. Shock does not begin to cover what I felt. We had things planned like a housewarming and relatives coming for the holidays.

He told me he plotted this out. He needed his freedom because “life is too short” and he wants to be a golf pro and can’t do that with a family. He says his final gift to me was a brand-new house, though I am the only one paying the mortgage and bills.

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No Dogs Allowed

My closest friend is a dog lover with two big dogs. Although I don’t like to do it, I have doggy-sat during a couple of her week-long vacations.

I am an animal lover but like my house clean and odor free. The last time I doggy-sat I covered my floors with blankets and towels. Still the dogs are not well-trained and had three accidents in one week. I had to get my carpets cleaned.

I did not share this information with my friend. Her friendship is important to me and she considers her dogs her family. So I said sweet things about the dogs when she returned and will never say a bad word about them even though my home was left a mess.

I planned to hire a pet sitter for my recent vacation when my friend sweetly volunteered to feed my hamster. She drove over twice during the week to feed the hamster and clean its cage. I expressed my appreciation and gave her a thank you gift.

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