These guidelines will help you avoid the three most common negotiating mistakes couples make: 1) Failure to prepare before the negotiation with your partner; 2) Caving in too quickly to avoid tension or to keep the peace; and 3) Stubbornly pushing too hard for your own solution.

Why Learn to Negotiate with your Partner?

Conflict is inevitable for growth in your relationship. Many people are frightened of conflict because they can’t negotiate. Once you learn to negotiate you won’t be so afraid of conflict. Good negotiation leads to acceptable solutions that work for both of you and will strengthen your relationship. Your communication skills automatically improve as you develop good negotiating skills.

The Difference Between Negotiation For Couples and Other Negotiations

Negotiation with your partner can feel especially risky, because the amount of emotional self disclosure required is much higher for couples than in business. Also, the result may have life-altering consequences (like negotiating where to live).

Skills Required For Negotiating With Your Partner

Effective negotiation for complex problems requires lots of openness about yourself, curiosity about your partner’s issues and emotional risk. It also takes listening really well!

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Being apologetic doesn’t come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate and self-centered does. So I realized long ago that my marital survival would depend on two things: 1) learning to apologize and 2) becoming less selfish and more considerate.

It was easier to start with apologies. Over time I got better and better at learning how to apologize. I was amazed at the effect.

First, it was the basic mumbling of, “I’m sorry.” Those two words were remarkable in healing bruised feelings. It was as if I had a license to do what I wanted– as long as I looked sincere and said, “I’m sorry.” It was like having a “Get out of jail free” Monopoly card.

When my apology failed to produce the desired results, I spruced it up. I would put my apology in a tuxedo, and my wife would be so grateful that I would get another reprieve.

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When I met her, I had two months before my student visa expired. The first two months were nice, as they often are. She said, “Why don’t I come back with you when you return home.” Neither of us had anything to stay for, so she came with me. I then discovered she could be difficult to a point that stretched belief.

My friends were flabbergasted; they thought I had lost my mind. We would have spectacular fights, only to realize at the end of the day we had nowhere else to go except the bed in my room. We always made up because we slept beside each other every night, only to try to kill each other the next day.

She left six months later due to her inability to legally work in another country. It was an extremely sad airport farewell, though I looked forward to being free of this massive source of stress. However, from the other side of the world she continued to dominate my life through the telephone and e-mail.

I worked hard to save up enough money to move overseas again to live with her in a place where we could both legally work. Two weeks after reuniting we were at each other’s throat. We were now trapped together in one of the most expensive cities in the world, and I could not get a good job. I’m just not good at getting good jobs.

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The success of any encounter with a woman depends on a series of factors, but, undeniably, the most important one is the mental component. A mentally strong person is surrounded by a powerful charisma and will find the dating game a lot easier to play than an insecure person.

Now don’t get nervous. You don’t have to have nerves of steel to score with women. Instead you can learn how to use your nervousness to your advantage and transform it into the fuel needed on the “battlefield”.

“Yeah right,“ you say. But what happens when your heart starts pumping like crazy and your voice and hands shake every time you approach a girl?

First of all you should know (know it AND believe it) that it is all in your mind. You are your own worst enemy telling yourself that you can’t do it, that you’re not good enough or that she would never be with someone like you. Instead of sabotaging yourself try to have a more positive attitude. It will make you seem more confident and therefore more attractive.

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Do you ever feel like you catch up with your partner infrequently, often late at night when you’re too tired to speak? Or when your timetables happen to collide? There are work dinners, school outings, sporting practice, dinners with friends, homework to supervise, household chores and so the list goes on. Do you feel like you need to make a date night just to spend some one on one time with your other half? Time when you’re not sleeping?

If this sounds like you then I’m sure you will enjoy these tips for keeping each other close at heart, even if you can’t always be as physically close as you’d like.

Its all about communicating and sharing the little things that make up our lives. Here are ten easy ways to make your feelings known:

1. Birthday love letter. There is something powerful about a letter. A few years ago my husband and I agreed to write a love letter for each other’s birthday. I think I picked it up from a magazine article about Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Apparently it’s something they used to do in lieu of expensive presents. Obviously it didn’t work for their marriage but we’ve found it has become the part of our birthday celebrations that we enjoy the most.

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