1) Leave the mobile phone off! Do not answer it if it is on Silent either. You should only do this if you are expecting an emergency and I mean an emergency. You only look like a deadhead, self-centred fool answering a phone at a meeting that is important and that goes for all meetings. It’s inconsiderate and breeds contempt from the other party even if they agree to you answering it. They’re only being polite which you’re not, if you do have a ringing phone and answer it. This does not mean leave it at home – you may need it later.

2) Don’t smoke anything in the presence of others unless they also smoke and for goodness sake make sure that no one near you is eating. Never smoke in an area where people are eating even if they smoke. You would be a fool to smoke in the presence of your date when they didn’t smoke. If you’re keen, it may be time to think about not smoking in their presence again.

3) A good rule is not to talk about your achievements unless you are asked. Bragging is more often frowned upon and puts people off early. Show some interest in your date and their hobbies achievements and interests. If you do this regularly enough, it will become a habit and your good social skills will become very obvious to others including your date.

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Have you ever been called a flirt?

Good for you!

You see, flirting is an excellent indication that you are Paying Attention.

In fact, it is impossible to flirt without being mindful. You can’t be all wrapped up in your thoughts, or distracted by worries about tomorrow. You are Right There, in the moment, picking up on subtle signals and dealing out your own.

Mindfulness requires these four steps:

Noticing something new (“Hmmm…he’s attractive.”)
Making distinctions (“I like his eyes when he smiles.”)
Shifting perspectives (“He dresses like a jock but he’s a music teacher.”)
Staying fully present (“He’s flirting with me!”)
Flirting requires “people” smarts—interpersonal intelligence—but it’s also a great opportunity to flex your spatial intelligence (seeing visual cues) and bodily/kinesthetic intelligence (picking up on body language and using appropriate touch to make a connection). A good flirt can scan a room and see all kinds of options for relationships!

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You’re back on the dating scene. But you’re worried as it’s been a long time since you were single or looking. Regardless of how exciting and new it all seems, it’s only natural for one to feel unsure and ‘out of practice’ when taking the step of going on dates again.

So, I have compiled the ten best things you can do to gain some confidence, and have more fun during this transition.

1) Get a makeover. A new haircut, wardrobe, or updated makeup will not only make you feel better about yourself, it will also help to mark this time of your life as a new beginning, and something to be excited about. If you look and feel great, it will give you more confidence which is always more attractive to others.

2) Don’t take it all too seriously to begin with. Look at this time as a chance to get used to talking to others, flirting, coming out of your shell. It doesn’t matter if a serious relationship doesn’t develop, as long as you are having fun! Enjoying yourself will put others at ease and more people will approach you.

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Romance can be experienced in numerous ways, but it is best enjoyed when you get all your senses in on the action. The following are suggestions for getting the most out of romance, one sense at a time.

Sight

Lighting should be one of the first areas you look at when trying to establish a romantic mood. Candlelight is perfect for romantic ambiance, as is the light from a fireplace. You could also try warm, soft light bulbs, preferably of a low-wattage or pleasing color.

Speaking of color, give some thought to it when arranging a romantic setting. Reds will tend to inspire feelings of passion, energy and conversation, while blues will encourage trust and relaxation, as well as helping to sooth nerves. Try violet, a combination of the two, for a great comforting effect. Colors to avoid include yellows and oranges.

Flower will also be not only be pleasing visually, but will also appeal to one’s sense of…

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Mandy and Evan consulted with me for couple’s counseling because they were always bickering. Every little thing seemed to become an issue between them. They loved each other very much, but the bickering was certainly getting in the way of enjoying each other.

I ask Mandy and Evan to come up with some recent conflicts so I could experience what was happening between them. They had conflicts over time, money, child rearing, family, and chores. The dynamic between them was the same no matter what the issue: One of them would complain about something – like the house being messy or the other person not being on time, and the other would argue, explain and defend. Then they would go back and forth, each one defending and explaining their position. Neither one listened to the other or even seemed to care about the other’s feelings or position. They would each get locked into their positions, seeing themselves as right and trying to convince the other person to see it their way. They had what I call a “control-resist system.”

In this system, one person approaches the other with an intention to win, to be right – to control. The other person, not wanting to be controlled, goes into resistance. One is trying to win and the other is trying not to lose. One is trying to be right and the other is trying not to be wrong. As long as their intentions were to control and not be controlled, they were stuck. They had no way of reaching resolution on any of their issues.

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