Biological Father

I am four months pregnant. I met the father of my child five months ago. Lately I feel empty and don’t want to be with him. The last few months have purely been trying to make this work. He adores me but is very childish. If it’s not his way, he sulks and leaves my house with no explanation.

I live at home with my parents. They would rather I stay home than make the mistake of moving in with a man I don’t love and creating a traumatic life for my child. Mom says his sulks are mental abuse. The rest of my family doesn’t much like him either. They firmly believe in fit in or get out, and he isn’t fitting in at all.

We are now taking a break. He feels he has to make this work. I feel it should be “want to” not “have to.” He doesn’t know me at all. Despite telling him on many occasions I will never keep the child from him or his parents, he says he knows I will.

Am I doing the right thing walking away, or should I try harder to find something about him I like and maybe learn to love him?

Kylie

Kylie, you are pregnant by a man you barely know and don’t like, and he is sulky and immature. Try writing that as a short story. You’d need a fairy godmother and some pixie dust to make this work.

Stock traders have a term for your dilemma. It’s called chasing a loss, and when we chase a loss, complication piles upon complication like a gambler throwing good money after bad. You need to clarify what has happened.

You don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you. Your family doesn’t care about him because the role he would have in their lives as the man who loves their daughter, and whom their daughter loves, is not present.

The two of you created a life. You did not create love. Determine rules and guidelines you can all follow to handle what is likely to be the only fact which connects his family with yours: he is the biological father of your child.

Wayne & Tamara

Broken Promises

I was a cocktail waitress in a strip club in Vegas making lots of money. I was only in it for the money, and I always went straight home after work. I was addicted to painkillers, but I quit. I now have a 1-year-old baby with my live-in fiancé or whatever you want to call him.

He is always throwing my past in my face. When I got pregnant, I told him I loved him enough to keep the baby and start a family. Keep in mind it’s embedded in my DNA that women with babies are also married. After deciding we loved each other and were going to have this child and get married, we told my parents.

As I expected, they said as long as he marries me he is a welcome member of our family. I waited my entire pregnancy for him to formally propose. I dragged him to the mall and picked out a his-and-hers wedding set, but it stayed in the box. My boyfriend now says marriage is just a piece of paper.

Jane

Jane, unless love is reciprocal, it is not complete. It is an unfulfilled loop, a circle that is broken. In a way, that’s good because it allows you to get out when someone treats you badly.

Of course, it’s just a piece of paper to him. He’s not interested in pledges and promises to you. We can have all the fantasies we want, but if they were allowed to be unleashed in the world, Brad Pitt’s house would be overrun with women.

Sever intimate contact with this man and make sure he understands his financial obligations to your child.

Wayne & Tamara