Skin Deep

I’m a college-age young woman with everything in her life going great, except for the dating aspect. I recently came to the conclusion I am dating what I think are the “right” guys, but they are wrong for me.

My usual type is very attractive, affectionate, intelligent—all the great things girls want in a guy; at least that’s who they are in the beginning. When it comes to actually making a relationship, it usually turns out they don’t want the kind of commitment I do, or we share very different views on cheating.

In fact, I am dating a guy I felt an instant spark with and who I am close to after only a month. Of course, he isn’t ready for any kind of a relationship, though he tells me this could change anytime. I’m glad to say, I’m not holding my breath.

This is where my second date comes in. He is a great guy I dated briefly about eight months ago. I didn’t feel that instant spark I feel with my “wrong” guys, so I assumed he wasn’t right for me. Fast forward eight months and I find myself reconnecting with him.

He is completely different from other guys. He wants to commit to a relationship, shares my views on cheating, and understands my upbringing and the place I was raised. I think I want to continue a dating relationship with him. I’m just worried if the spark isn’t immediately present, it never will be.

Misty

Misty, what do you mean by spark? Are you talking about the animal spark you get from shoes or a purse or something you really want? Your spark sounds like, wouldn’t all my girlfriends be jealous? Your spark sounds like looks, not love.

You like good-looking men with gigolo ways who can spark most girls. That’s why you have a problem with creating relationships and finding men who understand cheating. You don’t get to say, I want love, but it better be hot looking.

Are you ready for an epiphany? Are you ready to accept that looks are a happenstance of birth, not the accomplishment of some great deed? While you are young and good-looking yourself, it’s hard to come to that realization. You are more likely to struggle in a relationship with an attractive man who doesn’t love you and whom you don’t love, except for his looks.

Looks fade, but love is something you can always rely on. Love is the counterweight to what life throws at us. Love lasts. But it has nothing to do with looks.

Wayne & Tamara

Morning After

I have been dating a girl seven months. She is going to Mexico with her cousin, and though I wanted to go, I was not invited. I am also bothered by the number of sexual partners she has had, which is much higher than mine.

The actual number is unknown because she did not think it a good thing to talk about. We are exclusive with each other, though on the night when we first sparked an interest, she was making out with a guy in front of me at a party, and we ourselves became intimate later that night. Our relationship continued from there.

Is her past something I should be legitimately concerned about?

Art

Art, you want physical intimacy and you want a relationship, but instant physical intimacy with a woman creates a problem. You fear what she does with you, she will do with another.

If you can’t get a hold of yourself and put a relationship before the intimacy, you are going to find yourself too often intimately involved with someone you can’t have a relationship with.

Get a handle on this dilemma now, and you are likely to have a good life. Fail to find the answer, and your life will be fraught with anxiety which knows no solution.

Wayne & Tamara