In this day and time relationships are very hard to maintain. The attitude is that if this relationship doesn’t work out than I will find another one. One of the reasons people live together instead of getting married is so the breakup will be less of a headache and less time consuming. People expect to break up after a while. In the days when my parents got married, it was considered a life long commitment. My parents were married from 1936 until my mother passed away in 1992. Even than, my father never remarried. In his mind, he was still married to my mother. As my father was dying in September of 2000 he spoke of my mother and about being with her again. I am not saying my parent’s marriage was perfect, but they worked through any problems they had. Besides the attitude that relationships don’t last, there is sexual freedom and temptations. There is the unwillingness of two people to work out their problems. It is easier to give up than to work at a relationship. Both people in the marriage usually work and they have less time for each other on a personal level.

I perform wedding ceremonies, but before I do, I offer a simple premarital class. I feel the things I have to teach them, if they choose to listen, will help them stay together as life long partners.

The number one killer of a relationship is the lack of intimacy. In todays society the fear of intimacy is an enormous problem. How often have you revealed yourself or something to someone you felt you could trust, just to have them use it against you ? Or they become angry with you, causing you to regret bringing it up in the first place.

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We know there are magical signs once we meet our soulmates face to face. Expect it to be not ordinary. Imagine a fairy-tale coming alive. Most certainly, there would be sparks flying, butterflies in the stomach, stuttered sentences, ease of communication, physical attractions, love-at-first-sights, answered prayers, love remembered from dreams; in other words, a soulmate connection.

At first, the connection may be quite dream-like and a little too overwhelming until it turns into a vague familiarity. It may also be intense there may be no words to describe it perfectly. Details of soulmate connections can every so often overpower love itself. It’s spirit-lifting. It’s addictive. It’s without doubt a “connection” between two hearts. It’s beyond anything you have experienced.

Meeting your soulmate at this time and age is a rare gift, one who’s interested needs to plumb the depths of all possibilities, if not, just wait for it to happen. But for some, waiting can be as dreadful as searching without finding the “right one”. So might as well go for it and enjoy every second of your “finding your soulmate expedition”. At least, you will not tell yourself you did not try.

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In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person’s needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you’re having the relationship.

The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.

>From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships

1. Relationships Don’t Just Happen

Relationships aren’t accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.

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“Why isn’t she with you?” “She left.” “Why?” “There were so many reasons.” “There were not so many reasons. There was only one. You made yourself too available.”

-From JOURNEY TO IXTLAN: THE LESSONS OF DON JUAN by Carlos Castaneda.

The characters in the above scenario are men, but women often make themselves too available in relationships, as well. The consequences are usually disastrous.

Hey, we tell ourselves, I like the guy. He might be the one! Can’t let him slip through my fingers! So, we stay home and wedge the last bit of peanut butter from the jar for dinner. Can’t run out for real food and risk missing his call!

When he does call, we move heaven and earth to hang out with him. So what if we had plans to go out with friends on Friday night? Cancel! So what if we had a dentist appointment when he called at the last minute about having football tickets. Cancel! Hey, these things aren’t important, right?

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“Personal relationships are the fertile soil from which all advancement, all success, all achievement in real life grows” Ben Stein

Life would be difficult without the blessing of significant relationships as an integral part of our lifestyle. However although relationships can be the source of much joy and happiness, they also can frequently be a source of pain, stress, conflict and anxiety. It is a sad factor that when we have a close relationship the openness and vulnerability that we share with that person has the ability to bring both happiness and also pain.

There is a natural response when we feel hurt to protect ourselves from being hurt again. Frequently this protection involves creating a wall around the heart, distancing the emotions to avoid pain. This very act may well protect a person from feeling more pain, and keep it at bay, but also means shutting out the potential of enjoyment in the relationship as well. A wall keeps out both good and bad!

Unfortunately it is a fact that too many people become detached from potentially meaningful relationships through misunderstanding and assumptions about the other person. The reality is we can never fully know a person and understand them, and often we see things from a totally different perspective, and even speak a different emotional language. A tone of voice, a look, or a comment can easily be misinterpreted, and our response is to feel hurt or offended. If this happens it is all too easy to into a pattern of assuming and responding to that assumption until the whole incident becomes a large issue.

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