Do you often feel lonely? If you do, you may spend a lot of time wondering what’s wrong with you.

It may seem as if everyone else but you has lots of friends. It may seem like everyone else is always getting invited to go to exciting parties. And it may seem like you’re the only one who is left at home, waiting for the phone to ring, wondering why no one ever calls you to invite you out.

Actually, loneliness is much more common than you might think. There is actually an epidemic of loneliness in many societies today.

This may surprise you.

After all, so many millions of us in the modern world are jammed close together in large teeming cities, and we have at hand all the technological conveniences that are supposed to bring people closer together, such as e-mail, telephones, faxes, and the Internet. Why are so many of us more lonely than ever?

The reason is that society has changed very rapidly in the past two or three hundred years. Many of the social factors that used to make it easy to make and keep friends for a lifetime have disappeared.

Families have changed a lot in recent decades. A hundred years ago, most families were very large, with many children, aunts and uncles and cousins living close by. Family members often worked together on the farm or in a family business all day long.

Today, families have shrunk in size, and family members are now so busy with their own separate projects, they rarely see each other. Families break up more often than they used to, and it is now much more common for family members to move thousands of miles away, to new jobs, new wives, or new husbands.

People used to live in the same small community for their entire lives. They stayed in the same job for decades.

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If you currently feel that you don’t have enough friends in your life, one reason may be that you have let yourself become too busy to make time for the relationships you already have.

Nurturing and maintaining friendships requires effort and commitment. Many of us let our lives become so busy with work and other commitments that we don’t get around to scheduling time for pleasure and renewal with the friends, relatives and acquaintances we already have.

If you make an effort to call your friends more regularly, see them more often, and to accept more of the invitations you receive from others, can improve your social life in a hurry!

Are there any people you could call right now and be assured of a pleasant welcome? Are these people that you could count on to help you in a crisis? Can you have close talks with them? Do you have fun when you are together? Are you happy to have them in your life?

If you haven’t seen much of your friends lately, is it because you have become too busy? Have you grown apart? Was there an argument?

If the main reason you haven’t been getting together with the people you already know is because you have gotten too busy, take a good look at how you spend your time.

Think for a few moments about your real values and priorities in life. Is your hectic lifestyle really bringing you the quality of life that you want?

If you have become too busy for friends, why has this happened? Are you pursuing material toys in your life at the expense of relationships with other human beings?

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When you meet new people for the first time, do you usually like most of the new people that you meet?

Or do you find that you usually dislike new people, unless they can eventually prove after a long time that they deserve your friendship?

Perhaps you have never thought about this before. And you may even wonder if it’s really important. Does it really matter very much if you like most people when you first meet them, or if you decide to like them much later, after you get to know them better?

Your attitude to the new people you encounter will actually have a big impact on the number of friends you make, and the social life you enjoy.

Why? Because the attitude you have when you first meet somebody will affect the way that you treat those people, and the impression you make on them.

Many people who are lonely and have a hard time making friends have a surprising thing in common. When they meet new people they are often very judgmental and mentally they look for reasons to dislike the person they have just met.

When you have the attitude of liking someone you have just met, they will feel pleased to know you and will want to know you better. They will probably sense that you like them, and they will be more inclined to judge you in a kind and positive way.

If you like most of the people you encounter, you will have a far larger group of people in your friendship pool. When you genuinely like other people, they will be much more inclined to like you back.

On the other hand, when you don’t like people when you meet them, they will feel uncomfortable in your presence and will want to avoid you. They may sense that you don’t like them. They may even decide to dislike you in return. Every person that you dislike will automatically be excluded from the pool of people who can become your friends.

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Do you feel like no matter how hard you try, other people still don’t like you? Learn what you can do to make friends when it seems as if people don’t like you.

Have you been trying hard to make friends with no good results to show for all of your efforts?

If it seems that you have been trying hard to make friends, but that other people still don’t want to be your friend, you may have come to the conclusion that there’s something wrong with you. That maybe you are basically unlikeable.

Many of us go through such torment of self doubt, especially during our teenage years, when teens are often the victims of vicious bullying from their peers for no reason at all.

If you feel as if the people you are trying to befriend don’t like you, the first thing you must do is to ask yourself: Do you have any real evidence that others don’t like you?

Or are you just imagining the worst because you are always very harsh with yourself?

People who have low self-esteem, or who are suffering from depression, are often convinced that others don’t like them, even when there is no evidence for their negative belief. People who have a poor self image can be surrounded by others who like them, care about them, and enjoy their company; yet because these people don’t believe they are worthy of being liked, they are convinced that no one else likes them either.

So, if you are feeling as if nobody likes you, try to find out if there is some real evidence that others don’t like you, or whether you are just being very negative in your opinion of yourself.

On the other hand, there are times when it’s not just your imagination that others don’t like you. It might be really true that most of the people you meet are consistently rejecting you, even when you make social overtures and try to be as friendly to them as possible.

There are many reasons this can happen.

You may have moved to a society where the people are very tight knit with each other, and they don’t open up to newcomers easily.

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When you meet new people for the first time, do you usually like most of the new people that you meet?

Or do you find that you usually dislike new people, unless they can eventually prove after a long time that they deserve your friendship?

Perhaps you have never thought about this before. And you may even wonder if it’s really important. Does it really matter very much if you like most people when you first meet them, or if you decide to like them much later, after you get to know them better?

Your attitude to the new people you encounter will actually have a big impact on the number of friends you make, and the social life you enjoy.

Why? Because the attitude you have when you first meet somebody will affect the way that you treat those people, and the impression you make on them.

Many people who are lonely and have a hard time making friends have a surprising thing in common. When they meet new people they are often very judgmental and mentally they look for reasons to dislike the person they have just met.

When you have the attitude of liking someone you have just met, they will feel pleased to know you and will want to know you better. They will probably sense that you like them, and they will be more inclined to judge you in a kind and positive way.

If you like most of the people you encounter, you will have a far larger group of people in your friendship pool. When you genuinely like other people, they will be much more inclined to like you back.

On the other hand, when you don’t like people when you meet them, they will feel uncomfortable in your presence and will want to avoid you. They may sense that you don’t like them. They may even decide to dislike you in return. Every person that you dislike will automatically be excluded from the pool of people who can become your friends.

When you don’t like the majority of people that you meet, your friendship pool for making friends is much smaller.

If there is one secret to having friends, it’s a simple one, and here it is: Like Other People!

If you dislike almost everyone you meet, how many friends do you think you will make with this attitude? Very few of us want to get closer to a person when we sense that he doesn’t like us.

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