Negative news sells. This might explain press penchant for nightmare experiences with online dating, or internet dating if you prefer.

Added to this are negative views and stereotypes such as, “online dating is for geeks” and “online dating is for the desperate”. This article is about dispelling some of the common negative views and stereotypes by presenting facts.

Common Fallacies and Truths about Online Dating

Fallacy: “Online dating is not safe; I’ve heard too many nightmare stories.”

Truth: Nightmare stories you’ve heard are actually rare and more likely to occur in bars, night clubs and free chat rooms. They only appear common-place due to publicity they get from the press.

Reputable dating services go out of their way to ensure safe and secure dating environment for their members. Plus, the cost commitment eliminates many practical jokers and lowlifes.

Fallacy: “Online dating is for geeks.”

Truth: Surveys show that the majority of online daters are normal people with at least a college education, a career, above average income and are socially active. Most are interested in a serious relationship.

Fallacy: “You have to be good with computers.”

Truth: If all you can do is click a mouse and send an email (which you can learn in a few minutes), you are ready for online dating. Popular dating sites make it easy for you and will guide you through.

Fallacy: “Online dating is for liars, losers and the desperate.”

Truth: Online dating sites indicate their members tend to be significantly higher educated and earn above average incomes, are sincere and honest people in search for serous relationships.

Fallacy: “It’s not safe to meet strangers online.”

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Here’s a challenge to warring couples around the world: “Stop whingeing and moaning about your bad relationship and either mend it or end it!”

Far too many couples are making themselves miserable by being too demanding, inflexible and selfish. Some people spend more time arguing and complaining about how bad things are with their partners, than working out the differences in their relationships.

Grown adults become childish, resorting to name-calling, finger-pointing and point-scoring.

In some cases, people can be so preoccupied with sweating the small stuff, that they lose sight of the really significant things like love, trust, forgivenesss, fidelity, support and understanding.

Here’s a reality check: nobody can recover that second, minute, hour or day that has been eaten up by shouting, screaming, rage and resentment. In many cases - including in my own experience, the causes of the vast majority of arguments are forgotten within a few hours - or even earlier!

So, how do you minimize tiresome conflict, seemingly insurmountable challenges and constant chaos in your relationship?

Well, before you allow a minor disagreement with your partner to escalate into a battle of wills, and lead to a potentially promising partnership being cut short, there are a few, simple techniques that might just save your relationship.

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I know this is all my fault. I know I had the right to say no, but I didn’t because everyone deserves a chance. The thing that hurts most is he knew the complications he was bringing into my life.

My parents believe in arranged marriage, and they disapproved of this man. But I felt terrible thinking he knew I was intentionally not returning his calls. He called five or six times every night. Gradually I gave in.

During one of our conversations he told me what I now doubt really happened. His story was he loved a girl since high school, but she cheated on him. It didn’t end there. He kept stressing the disappointments that came his way, his hard childhood, and the betrayal that always followed him.

I treated him with care, and he stressed I could trust him no matter what. As things progressed he started nagging me to sleep with him, and that was my biggest mistake. I became emotionally sealed to him, and whenever he made the suggestion to meet for sex, I no longer fought it.

Everything was good until I asked him what he would do if his parents decided to arrange his marriage. I was shocked when he told me that he wouldn’t fight it. Prior to this he told me he goes by his own rule. He even asked me to continue being with him until his parents arranged his marriage.

One day I saw his car at the hotel we went to. I peeked through the keyhole and saw him and a girl naked. I can’t get that image out of my mind. When I confronted him, he treated me worse than a dog.

I called his mother. His mother’s reaction still has me baffled. She was totally cold, like she just didn’t give a damn what happened to me, or what he might do to another girl. I want him to pay, but I have resolved to leave him and his mother in the hands of God.

Throughout high school I fought peer pressure only for this to happen. I have decided not to tell my parents, and I have reached out to a few friends. I am undecided as to whether I should fulfill the promise I made about helping out with his study materials. I talked to a religious friend, and his opinion is promises should be fulfilled.

I always wanted to live life without regrets, but thanks to my stupidity, I can no longer do that.

Eva

Eva, this man used two stratagems against you. He portrayed himself as a victim to evoke pity, and he insinuated himself into your life. He is a predator who stalked you, knowing all along what he wanted. Don’t give him the study materials. That promise was elicited through lies, and despicable behavior should never be rewarded.

Aristotle viewed anger as a legitimate reaction to injustice. He felt anger protects us from making excuses for wrongdoing. You have every reason to be angry with this man, but don’t turn that anger inward. You were tricked. That happens to people at different stages of life, and they must be able to forgive themselves and move on.

We cannot go through life attributing the best of intentions to others, and we cannot go through life attributing the worst of intentions to others. We must respond to others in a way appropriate to who they are. When we encounter predators, the wisest course is eliminating all contact.

The wise thing now is to continue with your plans as they were before you encountered this man. You are a young woman with your life in front of you. It is easy, when we are young, to think some event has ruined our life. But life has many ups and downs, and it is in mastering the ups and downs that we master life.

Wayne & Tamara

Single again? As we travel through life, we often end up single. There are many reasons why. It could be the result of meeting the wrong person, death, cheating, lies, divorce, location, goals, and more. Losing a relationship impacts us in many ways. It can be very painful, or it can be very refreshing, or anywhere in-between. No matter what the cause or the degree of pain, there is one truth we all share: We don’t want to end up alone. We want to find companionship.

In order to get into a new relationship, we have to be willing to meet and go out with people. It’s our own fear, however, that often gets in the way.

- We fear getting rejected.
- We fear having a bad time.
- We fear getting hurt.
- We fear having to reject someone else.

All these fears are valid yet easily overcome. If someone rejects you, it only means that that person feels you are not right for them. Believe me, there is someone else who would love to be with you. You have to accept rejection. It is only through trying do we get to the right person.

Many dates and relationships don’t work out. You may look back and think of it as a bad time. It is all right to have a bad time. Only through bad dates do we get to the good dates. It is through our bad relationships that we have the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and what we want, to then approach relationships with more knowledge to succeed.

No one wants to get hurt but if we do not dare to fall in love and get hurt, we cannot be in love. Getting hurt is part of the process. We do get through it and the pain does go away. The best part is there is new love waiting for you.

You may also be fearful of rejecting someone. The truth is no one is obligated to stay with someone who isn’t right for them. Rejection is part of the dating and relationship process.

Change how you look at rejection and see it as a favor. When you reject someone you are releasing him or her to go find someone who will truly appreciate that person. Look at it that way also when someone rejects you. After all, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want you? It’s better to be free to find someone who actually wants to be with you.

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If you are ready to start winning in the dating world, follow this simple strategy for success:

Lesson 1: First Impressions

They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person’s initial sense of who and what you are.

Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part

Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we say verbally.

Lesson 3: Act the part

It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.

Lesson 4: Be the part.

The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a

product and the person you want to date as the buyer.

Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game

If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind “the numbers game.” Accept and follow these tenets:

1. You are a product

2. You are the product’s salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.

3. The person you’re trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.

4.The world’s best salespeople don’t have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world’s best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten “pitches” results in a sale.

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