Set The Mood

Set the mood by treating her like a queen. Take care of her every need so she can just lay back and let the day’s stresses wash away. If it’s your first date, just relax, take your time and make the entire date all about her (which means you have to tell her stuff about you too!) Look, she wants to feel like a million dollars, so treat her as though she is.

Pick The Right Situation

Take her out to a restaurant, for a moonlight walk, or cook dinner at home. Whatever the situation, create an ambience that’s all about romance. Make sure the music is just right, give her your full attention, and if at all possible use candles! Candles are the secret-weapon of romantic guys everywhere. There isn’t anyone who doesn’t look mysterious, and glamorous by candlelight.

Sweet, Sweet, Breath And Soft, Soft, Lips

Guys, no one likes fish-breath! Or cigarette-breath come to that. Now wine-breath or chocolate-breath may just be OK, depending on the tastes of your partner, but you know what? To play safe, brush like a dentist! If you can’t do that, then always have breath fresheners with you–any brand as long as they are peppermint or spearmint–and don’t forget the lip balm.

Learn From The Masters

Too may guys dive straight in and have her pinned against the wall in three seconds flat. Look. She’s most likely very tentative so be tentative too! She’ll like that a lot. You must have watched the masters at work in those wonderful old classic movies starring Bogart and Cary Grant? It may take an entire 90 minutes to work up to THE kiss, but when it finally happens the sexual tension is just explosive! Well watch those movies again. Take note of the body language; the flashing eyes; the meaningful looks; the brushing of fingertips. What’s NOT being said is louder–and way sexier–than any porn movie!

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Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman.

After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true. Warm, compassionate, intelligent, and also on a personal and spiritual growth path, Sean, 55, was an available man! Now Katie’s fears that she would not meet someone turned to fears of being in a relationship again.

Katie had learned how to take loving care of herself when she was alone or with friends, but doing this with a man was another matter. She had never actually taken care of herself in any of her relationships, and she was very worried that she would let herself down again.

Katie wanted some guidelines regarding loving actions she could take for herself as she started to explore the relationship with Sean, and she wrote to me asking me for these loving actions. So here they are – some loving actions to take when first exploring a new relationship:

1. Stay focused inside your own body, noticing your own feelings rather than just being tuned into the other person’s feelings. Stay conscious of NOT taking responsibility for the others person’s feelings of worth or security, and NOT making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth or security.

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A lot of people say they’d like to have a super love life, but it all boils down to the question, “Are you willing to work for it?”

First thing to do is to get physical.

When most people would choose a twinkie over an apple, you’ll have to be the one who has the wisdom and willpower to choose the apple. In a world increasingly addicted to TV, you and your mate will have to come up with the willpower to go out on a nature walk or bicycle ride.

Why?

Because you can’t have a healthy love life unless you treat your body with the kind of love and respect that we’re discussing. We’re not talking about a six-week diet, we’re considering a life-long program of better nutrition.

We are not advocating a three-month exercise program here to take off two inches from the waist; we’re pushing for regular exercise every day of our lives!

A good way to kick-start is with some cardiovascular exercises. The Harvard School of Public Health reports that men who were physically inactive were 40 percent more likely to experience erectile dysfunction than men who exercised a half hour a day.

A foundation of correct nutrition and regular exercise is necessary before we can begin to think about a healthy love life. Eat to live and love. Most of us do not realize how foods affect our moods, feelings, energy level, and behavior.

When we get down in the dumps, we don’t automatically say, “Gosh, I must not have been eating right.”

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I am a faithful reader of your column and would like to hear your answer. I used to date a guy who claimed he liked me. He is a nice person, and I feel I can trust him. During one of our conversations defining what we had between us, he told me he couldn’t forget the previous girl he liked.

He is a reasonably successful man who has liked this woman for the past four years. He assured me he liked me more, but as this was not something I wanted, I decided we would remain just friends. I still care for him, but I have no romantic feelings left.

What I want to know is this. I can understand his reaction if they had been together once, but they hadn’t. It was a completely one-sided love from the beginning. In fact, this woman indicated she only wanted to be friends with him, and she has been in a happy relationship with another man for two years. He says he is happy that she is happy.

Why do you think he tortures himself so? It almost makes me think he enjoys being the martyr. To be fair, he told me he would like to move on and has been trying the past four years, but is not able to. Is there anything I can do to help?

Johanna

Johanna, many people nurture a fantasy because it confers a mental gain for them. It may not be a productive way to live, but they reap a psychic benefit from doing it.

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At one time or another, all of us have wondered what to do for that special someone to show how much we love them. Wouldn’t it be nice to surprise your “sweetheart” with something totally out of character? Impressing him or her with something you have never done before would certainly put a big smile on their face. The outcome of your special surprise can present great rewards for you also!

For those of you who have a hard time coming up with ways to creatively express your feelings, or even for those of you who just want to improve your romantic life, take a look at http://www.secrets-to-intimacy.com. You will find some very simple, yet effective ways to make any relationship sparkle. After all, happiness and contentment in one’s love life affects us in the workplace, in our day-to-day focus mentally and also our physical well being. Why, who wouldn’t want those benefits? Love means:

L Look, really look into the person’s eyes when they are talking to you

O Open up and share with them; this makes a closer, more intimate relationship

V Love is a verb – Put the word “Love” into action

E Express how you feel with soft, tender words; never be harsh

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