Many men are convinced that if they just find the right woman then everything will be perfect in their marriage. They either think that they are fine as they are or they think that they don’t have to change or don’t want to.

They want their wives to accept them for who they are.

Okay. Let’s take a look at who you are.

How did you prior relationships or marriages fair? If you are a widower and the reason you are looking for a new spouse is because your wonderful spouse died — you may be right – you may be a great husband and father.

For the rest of you, and I am including myself in this group, take a look at all of your relationships that failed. What is the common denominator in all those relationships? Give up?

YOU. That’s right. You are the common denominator in all your failed relationships.

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Yes, yes, and yes! Let your date know you have kids on your first date. If your date can’t accept the fact that you have kids then this is a red flag that you should not go on a date with this person. Your kids are part of who you are, if your date has a problem with this then they have a problem with you.

Kenneth says to himself, I really like Sharon, and I know she is single and has no kids cause I overheard her tell her trainer Irene at the gym that she doesn’t. I really want to ask her out on a date, but I have four kids that I’m raising on my own and I don’t think she’ll like me when she finds out. I’m not sure what I should do.

Sharon says to herself, there’s this guy I met at the gym his name is Kenneth. I really like him, he always seems to know the right things to say and is so polite! I’d really like to go out with him. I just don’t think he’ll go out with me. I’m feeling guilty because I lied to my trainer Irene the other day and told her that I don’t have any kids. I actually have three children. I told Irene this out loud so Kenneth could hear what I said and maybe he might want to date me. I’m not sure what I should do now. I’d really like to go out with Kenneth. I just don’t know how I should tell him about my kids.

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Dating need not be an occasion where nerves are frayed and the palms are all sweaty. With the right attitude and the right atmosphere, dating can be pleasurable, enjoyable and fun.

Heck, it can even be quite therapeutic if you know what buttons to tweak!

Below are some tips that one can do to make dates, dinner or lunch or whatever kind, exciting and fun.

1. Relax

The success of the date is not the be all and end all of things. So just relax and do not put much pressure on yourself to make the date as fun as possible. In fact, when you worry too much, chances are the date will lose its spontaneity.

Conversations will be stilted and forced. Your date may feel uncomfortable in your presence. There is a chance that you will even be so clumsy because of your nervousness. Remember that people easily pick up feelings of nervousness. If you are nervous, they will eventually be nervous too. Have fun. Be yourself and get to know each other.

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Do you ever recall walking into a room and immediately feeling the heavy, lingering negativity after a couple has had a fight?

How can couples learn to manage those powerful emotions that can be generated between them?

To create a conscious relationship it’s important to be aware of the feelings that are created between partners, especially for intimate couples, because their combined emotions are greater than the sum of their individual parts. When couples become aware and learn to be mindful of the energy that is created between them, rather than focus on their individual differences, they are creating conscious relationships.

I’ve observed the tendency of partners to first go through the romantic phase of their relationship, where their combined conscious remains buoyant, lively and fulfilling. At this point they don’t perceive differences in each other. The feeling between these couples shines a bright light across the world and life is viewed from a beautiful kaleidoscope. During this romantic phase, couples project on their partner and the world a canvas filled with images of beauty, goodness and love. And this focus on the combined rainbow of beautiful colors catapults them into a higher consciousness.

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“It’s a funny thing about life: If you refuse to accept anything but the very best, you will often get it.” W. Somerset Maugham.

Are you focusing on who and what you want with a partner? Or are you focusing on who and what you don’t want? Because, we do get exactly what we expect.

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, famous author and Jungian analyst, created these 12 characteristics to seek in a long-term partner. The 12 points are listed below, and then I expanded upon them.

Here is a Guide for Conscious Choices in a Partner.

Kindness and Respect - The expression, “we should treat family like strangers and strangers like family,” is indicative of the amount of disrespect that is tolerated in relationships. This attitude is a barrier to the basic building blocks of long-term goodwill and respect.

Ability To Learn: Curiosity - Although it is normal to have disagreements and power struggles, many couples fail to learn from conflicts and may repeat the same self-destructive scenarios and behaviors for decades. We shouldn’t talk unless we can improve on silence. As James Thurber noted, our tendency is to look back in anger or forward in fear, instead of “around in awareness.”

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