I am writing you out of complete frustration. I am a divorced mother of an 11-year-old son and a businesswoman who has had good relationships with men over the years. I’ve never had trouble finding or keeping friends. I believe to have a friend you have to be a friend, you treat everybody correctly, and you stay away from troubled people.

There’s a man I’ve known over 25 years. We’ve seen each other through marriages and relationships. We talk on the phone for hours. However, after his second marriage failed four years ago, I believe he came out damaged. We had never been intimate, but two years ago I thought I would give it a try because I always found him attractive.

Well, I discovered that while he’s a great lover, he is narcissistic, a sadist, and completely devoid of concern for other people’s feelings. I am amazed I never knew this about him, but maybe I wasn’t interested in knowing. He claims he won’t have a relationship with me unless I am on his page and submissive to his wishes.

I am sad for him. He’s really changed. He’s exploiting what he knows about my nature for his own benefit. This relationship spells trouble, but I can’t seem to let go.

Libby

Libby, though many knew him, the only people who realized Ted Bundy was a serial killer were women within a few moments of dying at his hands. In like fashion, we doubt this man’s nature has changed over the last few years. He is one of those who think, “Everyone else on the planet is a sheep, and I am the only human being.” He is also shrewd enough to conceal who he is.

For over a hundred years researchers have experimented with up-down reversing prisms. These are glasses which turn the world upside down. The first time people wear up-down glasses they careen into walls and tables, but eventually their brain adjusts to life in a topsy-turvy world.

That is what this man wants you to do. You know you can’t cure someone else’s cancer. But somehow you think you have the power to change him.

Certain sayings resonate within us: move toward the light, follow your true path, be all you can be. They are not as precise as a map, but they point to the general direction our deep self knows to follow. With each person and in each new endeavor we need to ask if this leads toward our growth and development, or toward a deepening relationship with Ted Bundy.

Wayne and Tamara