My best friend Becky and I have known each other since we were 12. We are now both 48. Nine weeks ago I broke my ankle and was on the couch for eight weeks. This left me horribly housebound, not even able to get myself a cup of coffee or drive, because I needed crutches.

Becky’s husband is our financial planner. The week after I broke my ankle he called my husband to do a financial review. I know he wanted to move our money around since this is how he earns commissions. We hadn’t heard from them since Christmas, and the sole reason he called was business.

Even though my husband told him it was a bad time because I had broken my ankle, I did not get a phone call, flowers, or a card from them. I thought perhaps they were having some kind of financial troubles and put it down to that.

Last weekend I flew to another city for a wedding and stayed with my sister-in-law. I was still in a cast and using a cane. Low and behold, on Sunday my sister-in-law tells me she is having guests over but won’t tell me who. My mouth fell open when a car pulled up and it was Becky and her husband.

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My boyfriend and I have been together two years and known each other for seven. How can you know someone for so long but suddenly feel you don’t know them at all?

A year ago he moved in but our problem only surfaced recently. We had just returned from a romantic Caribbean vacation when he began behaving secretly. When I tried to open up the lines of communication, he grew defensive and nervous. Up to that point we had shared everything.

I justified breaking into his e-mail account to protect myself. To make a long story short, I found e-mails to four different women. Girl A is a woman he used to date, Girl B is a woman he currently works with, and Girl C is the mother of one of his students! Girl D is a girl from Craigslist.

When I confronted him, he swore nothing happened with any of these women. He admitted he has a problem with boundaries and knowing when flirting has gone too far. At that point I believed him. We had a long talk and decided a fresh start was in order. We got dressed up and went out to dinner to affirm our new start. It was behind us. Or was it?

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Been There, Done That

I have been in a relationship for two years. I am 38, he is 49. I have older children and am also a grandmother three times over. I would love for us to have our own family, but he is totally against it. He will not explain why.

Neither of us has to work so we have plenty of time to spend raising a child. I have to say it really hurts and is very confusing. I don’t understand how a man can have a child with someone they can’t stand and not have a child with someone they are in love with.

I like to do what I can to make him happy, so why is the feeling not mutual? We have a great relationship, and I think adding another child to the family would make it even stronger. Is that so wrong?

Keely

Keely, Shakespeare said, “One man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.” A 49-year-old man may think fatherhood belongs to an earlier age of his life, and that is especially true when the woman he is with is a grandmother three times over.

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Outsourcing

I have a middle-aged American friend, divorced for many years, who ended a long relationship a few months ago. Recently he became fascinated with the culture and women of a country where marriages are arranged. He found himself a couple of pen pals and is planning to go over soon and interview potential brides.

He’s not one of those creepy, bitter, chauvinistic, mail-order bride seekers. He genuinely believes in gender equality. He likes the idea of a relationship based on shared values with a full commitment to making it work. He thinks American women are too quick to write him off based on superficial checklists.

While I think his intentions are good, I’m worried he’s plunging into this too fast. His knowledge of the culture is limited, and the young women he is corresponding with have never been outside their country. There’d be a lot of adjustment on both sides, and he doesn’t know these women at all.

I have nothing against marrying outside of one’s culture, but you are ultimately marrying a person, and I don’t believe you should objectify based on a stereotype. Also, he’s only a few months out of a long-term relationship and still figuring out what he wants.

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Rough Draft

I am a new freshman in college. I left for college a week and a half ago, and my girlfriend hasn’t yet left for her college. Leaving her was the most painful experience of my life. We always planned on trying other people, but we both wanted to stay together after college.

I found out from her friend that two days after I left she went on a date with another guy and kissed him goodbye. Two days later, she made out with a different guy. I was crushed. I confronted her over the phone, and she sobbed and apologized.

She told me the guys didn’t mean anything to her, and she only loves me. She said she did it in order to see what other guys are like because we were each other’s first lover. She is not a slutty person at all, and she wasn’t drinking when she did this.

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